Saturday, January 17, 2015

It's time to just ban cycling altogether!

The Bikeway got icy. It's been just a bit warmer for the last 3 days and we've got a mild precipitation of rain/snow recently. Everything got coated with a thin layer of snow, including my bike that seemed frozen solid yesterday. A crust of frozen snow on fenders, frame and hubs may look pretty, but does not help me getting to work any faster.
No matter. After reading the news recently, biking to work seems like the dumbest idea ever. In fact, mankind seems to do everything to make sure that riding a bicycle in XXI century should be considered an oddity and the only right thing to do is to ban those ridiculous two wheels completely. After all, those bloody cyclists take up way too much valuable space on OUR roads so why not just give them their own roads to ride the bike? Like... in the middle of the forest. But, God forbid, in the city.

In rare circumstances when you encounter a cyclist on the road in front of your SUV, you should make sure that he leaves plenty of space for your vehicle by staying at least 3 feet away from you and riding somewhere where he's out of your way, like in the gutter. This makes perfect sense! This way you don't have to deal with those lycra-clad idiots who think that they own the road and trying to pass them won't force you into the opposite lane. You could save 5 seconds out of your 1 hour long commute. Perfect!

But even if the worst happens and a guy on two wheels finds himself too close to your front bumper, don't worry. Our friendly police will make sure to ticket his sorry ass for not giving space to more important users on the road, like you in your F-350.

So as you can see, it's definitely the right time to just ban all cycling altogether (Finally!). We all know well that everything those bloody cyclists do is not only annoying but plain wrong. And while we are at it, let's look at walking as well. Especially those little kids walking around the neighborhoods. Not only they should just be at school or sitting in front of TV but when they crawl around they may even want to cross the street, slowing you down by another 5 seconds. And you wouldn't want that, would you?

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